i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
