my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
