May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
