i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
