i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize