he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
