why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
