I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
