the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Bring me that man meat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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