and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
