did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
