lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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