I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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