Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
