Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
