I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
