I hate all girls vehemently.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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