morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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