Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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