Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
