it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
