if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
