wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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