3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
