I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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