Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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