Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
