I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
