I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
