I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
