Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
