you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
