I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
