piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
