You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
