Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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