Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
