also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
