I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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