I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
sex in a hospital.. check
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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