i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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