is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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