I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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