We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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