I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
