you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
