Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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