I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
