If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
