Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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