Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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