Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
