I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
