Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
