you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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