shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
