I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
