I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
