I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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