I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
