Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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