Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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