his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
