Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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