I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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