you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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