somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she pinky promised me she was 18
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
