you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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