super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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