And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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