my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
