Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
