i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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