i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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