Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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