I smell stomach acid.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
