I want to have your abortion
It's like God shit irony all over that family
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
