ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
