wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
